We all have known pain, it’s really not a stranger to most people. The only thing that might be different is how it chooses to get to us. There are several degrees of pain and depending on who, it may mean different things and come in different forms. The definition of pain to the poor man is certainly different from what it means to his rich counterpart. The general fact however, is that we all feel pain in some way. The most important thing remains how we choose to deal with it in whatever form it comes.
I have always known who I am as a person. Most people think I am a sadist, I purposely never see the bright side of anything. Whatever situation I find myself, I always prefer to assess the negative outcomes before weighing whatever positives might result from it. I have always chosen to frown instead of pretend to be pleased when things turn out sour. I have always preempted pain and so never really feel bad when it finally manifests itself. To many, you are what you constantly think about. To some, the reason why I am plagued by pain is because I think of it a lot. I find their assessment flawed because I have never once treated people how I feel my pain should make me treat them. I try my utmost best to be good to people, because to a great extent I don’t see my pain in them, and so I try to feed off their own happiness, constantly searching for a reason to jettison reality for the facade that is human contentment with life. One thing that sets me apart from everyone I have met in my life is I constantly acknowledge my pain. It has made me conscious of who I am, and has made me live a life devoid of deceit.
I usually find it shocking when the ones who choose to hide their pain, those who act like they are happy all the time, then turn around to act like beasts. I mean, I thought I was the sadist? I thought I was the perpetually sour person? Why am I treating you with kindness, while you turn around to treat me (and others) terribly? I thought your being a happy person meant you were bereft of demonic tendencies? It is then you get to hear the truth. People begin to accept the fact that they are indeed not happy, and in the process they do the most unforgivable things in their selfish ‘pursuit of happiness’.
For me, pain is my ally, pain is my friend. Pain, self-inflicted and most times, meted on me by people I meet has become my only source of happiness. This might sound twisted in a way, but, I experience a sort of euphoric feeling anytime my predictions of ‘doom’ come to pass. When you meet someone and you tell them to stop making promises of being better than others, they never listen. They chide you for ‘thinking negatively’ and then go ahead to do worse negatives than the ones you have seen before them. The funny part is they always find a way to blame you for their mistakes. “Oh its because you said this I did that”, or “Oh your actions made me do so and so” . Its very amusing when people cause you pain and think of many ways it’s your fault they hurt you. 🙂
Pain is the same, it never changes. It only gets deeper and with time, its more soothing than scathing. Embrace it. 🙌