I think it has now become a big deal for me to write an “Open letter” (Twitter type) to every passing year. Ok, before 2012, I did all that in my diary, now I am here. Its always a great feeling when one makes it to the final days of a year, considering the fact that not everyone made it to the tail end, I think there is every reason to be thankful. The world (and being a Nigerian) might not be as we would have liked it to be, but people like me are glad to at least have a fighting chance while we breath… Thank God for mercies.
This year has been quite an intriguing one for me, I grew up a whole lot this year, and maybe more than i’d have liked to. Like someone I know once said, “you think you know what life is about, you do not know the half of it”. He was right, I did in fact not know the HALF of it! I think the years of my protecting myself from people and the hurt they signify left me ill-prepared for what 2013 held in store for me. If only I had taken a hint from the first days in January 2013, i’d have had a better year; however there is no use pondering on what would have happened if I did this or that differently, the year is ending slowly, and all I can think of is the lessons I have learned.
Having always been a lone ranger who preferred to do things on my own, working closely with a team comprising people with various character combinations almost sent me over the edge. I understood no one and no one understood me. I was the annoying one, the one who kept to herself and buried her head deep in her personal computer, the one who seldom smiled or went on team lunches… I sucked! At a point I hated my boss and my team mates and I just wanted to be jobless. Nothing was being done as perfectly as i’d have wanted it to, and I ended up swallowing mediocrity (Jeez I felt very mediocre) and “going with the flow” got me more knocks than praises. At several points I had to pause and sulk over the sad fact that i’d have rather been starting a postgraduate course (If wishes were horses). I hated work.
Then I began to “adjust”, tried to smile more, tried to have “fun”, tried not to scare people with my ugly face… I tried. I do not know for sure if anyone appreciated my efforts, but I sure was glad when time came and I didnt have to force things anymore….thank God for small mercies!
In Love 2013 did me what i’d call SHEGE… You see behind that tough exterior was someone who shed tears almost every night. So much emotion and the pain that came with it. I kept doing all the wrong things and getting even worse results. Stayed alone, but in love with a synedexter, and that made me weep every night. I mean, I could not understand my foolery, and it made me weep all the time. I did not understand the way life worked, you are either a giver or a taker… I kept giving, not minding the fact that my generosity was unwanted.. Oh the horrors of that evil called Love. You think girls don’t tell guys how they feel? LOL, I did… And I felt foolish for over a year after… And some people had hearty laughs at my foolery. Oh the horrors of Love.
2013 took with it my beloved uncle. He was somewhat like me, he truly cared for people. He died because no one around him would show they genuinely cared, all they did was take, take and take. Granny went away too… We thank God for life.. Beloved friends too, dear lord show your light on their dear souls. 2013 was eventful no doubt, still thankful.
I’d have liked to go on, but I can’t.. I do have high hopes though that 2014 would be better, in all facets. I don’t even want to think about politics at this point, Nigeria is beyond redemption and I dread what is coming in 2015, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves right? If you ever stumble on this post, I wish you a good 2014. May all the bad be replaced with the good. To Olatunde, I think you mean something to me, its still a bit hazy because you’re being such a dick, but its my mad head’s fault right? LOL…. Happy 2014 in advance folks!
P.S- This is my blog, ergo I can post whatever I like… You don’t like my post? Its too “personal” for you? LOL self righteous prick, look at the header of my blog, it says “POISEFREAK” right? I rest my case. Happy 2014 to you too, hate no more. 😀