Letting Go

There are a lot of questions that some would love to ask out loud but would not because they are afraid of what others around them might think of them. There are thoughts that one would want to think but would not because of what they think others might think when they find out that they are thinking such thoughts. The truth is if you allow yourself to be caged both physically and mentally, there is really no point in living. i am no psychologist, neither am i gifted in the art of reading human nature, but i know there is no harm in saying what you want to say or thinking what you want to think whenever you want to think it. It has become common practice among certain people who feel they are better than others to try to stop the other man from thinking or expressing himself. The power of expression once taken away from one can wreck serious havoc on the lives of those affected. Sitting here in my room, Puccini’s Chrysanthemus slowly taking me away, i decided to put my thoughts on the web for others to see so i would always be grateful for not missing this moment. my mind being what is is, i probably might never think these same thoughts again, so i thought why not write it……
    Yea, back to thoughts……and the art of thinking. It would interest you to know that as i write this, all my mind is doing is thinking… yes, i am thinking of what i am thinking. The various scenes playing in my head of me doing a solo mime to Chrysanthemus…. seeing myself in leotards and ballet flats, floating to the albeit sorrowful piece like the black swan.. I wonder, why would someone try to take away my ability to think? Is it even possible to live a life that is devoid of thinking? One too many times i have asked myself, would my life have turned out differently if i never thought? would i be a better person or worse? I know anybody reading this would probably say out loud, what is she writing? why is she seeking attention this way? the truth is i am not thinking to seek attention. I am only tired of thinking thoughts that would stay in my head and take up all the space i need to store other things………. yea i needed to write… i needed to put down what i was thinking… but what was i thinking???? oh yes, the black swan…. Sorrow, Melancholy…..and as if on cue, Mozart’s requiem slowly fills my headphones. Right now, any reader would probably not be interested in the thought i was thinking.  I am fine, i am only thinking of what i was thinking.
   Have you ever experienced that tingling in your head, that burning sensation you feel when it seems like you have too many things in your head at the same time? Most times when i say what i think people wonder why i say them. They ask, do you think anybody really cares? do you think people have time to care about your thoughts? i say who told you i think because i want people to care? i think because i can think…… because (in my case) its not something i can control or stop….. Some people deliberately stop themselves from thinking of what they should because they are afraid of what people around them might say when their thoughts become words…….. i might not have said anything here…. but the truth is what i was thinking was that one should not be afraid to think……

Thank you for reading what i was thinking.


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